I caught myself regurgitating an old unsatisfied sentiment this morning while speaking with my wife. I said “I’ll feel better when I can X” or “I’ll feel better when we get to X”. It doesn’t matter what stage X is specifically, it’s the sentiment that I don’t like. It’s the feeling of not being there yet and wishing this fear-imposed limbo away. It’s the sentiment of falling short of goals or believing that a significantly better life is over the next hill, while thinking in parallel that the current valley is filled with misery.
While I believe there is a recommended dose of aspiration, and that even a very high dose can be a healthy and natural thing, finding myself in a mental rut and clinging to the thought of the next valley as a way out, an escape, is more of a bleak reaction than I should expect from myself. Instead why don’t I spend more effort focusing on now and doing the best I can on pieces of the projects I have before me, with satisfaction in my current state and productivity, rather than constantly measuring the distance between my long range goals and the patch of ground on which I happen to be standing at any given moment?
It seems to me, as I reflect on past accomplishments, that not only was the destination a satisfaction, but the struggles I overcame to get there have a special place in my heart as well. If I can’t review each element of the past with savor, the journey somehow seems cheaper. Instead I can look back with fondness and laugh at the obstacles and challenges I faced, and find pride in the improvised methods I employed to overcome them.
With this is mind, as most of the obstacles are before me in my current pursuits, I can savor the struggle, enjoy the resistance, and focus on the moment a lot more than I am, and be better for it, and by simple choice I feel better now.